


Never Give In

by aduirne



Category: star wars the last jedi
Genre: BDSM, Biting, Blood Kink, Bruises, Dominant Kylo Ren, Imprisonment, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Oral Sex, Rough Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-08-27 10:32:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16700827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aduirne/pseuds/aduirne
Summary: Rey thinks that Kylo Ren is going to kill her when they meet in battle.  What he has planned for her is nothing she expected.





	Never Give In

Rey would not give him the satisfaction of hearing her scream.  Not when her first climax tore through her and not when he leaned forward and bit her shoulder.  She gripped the sheets and clenched her teeth as he ruthlessly pounded her with thrusts that threatened to knock her over. 

Ben was always like this when he had been away.  He wanted to know she had pined for him.  He wanted to know she had craved this as much as he did, but she tried not to show it.  Not when he tied her up and stroked himself in front of her, wanting her to beg for him, not when he brought her to the edge with his mouth and his fingers- she almost never gave in and it drove him to the edge of insanity. This is when he became the ruthless Kylo Ren.  This is when his darkness took over with a vengeance. Rey knew it would stop if she cried out, and she didn’t want it to stop.  She liked him like this.  She liked when he looked as if he was going to strip the flesh from her bones.  That is what it felt like when it was over.  She felt eviscerated by him. 

This time it had been going on for an hour.  He had arrived late at night and the moment he broke atmosphere, she was awake, her whole body tense with anticipation.  It had been a standard month- the longest he’d been away.  He’d come to her through the bond before then, touching, teasing, whispering to her of all the things he’d do to her when he came back, but that was all.  He always preferred to be with her in person.  The Force had been cruel to them in the past- breaking just when they were getting started.  It was how Rey had wound up tied to a chair for a standard day before the bond opened again and he could free her.  She had not been able to use the Force to break the binders he used, (he ensured she wouldn’t) no matter what she did.  She hadn’t spoken to him for a week after that. 

Now he was getting close to coming.  She could tell in the way his body tensed, how his grip on her hips tightened.  She’d have bruises there again.  She could feel the slap of his body as he rammed into her, the low growl growing in his throat.  She began to buck against him with the last of her strength…she hoped it finished soon.  She could hardly remain upright.

At last his orgasm came and she felt him pulsing and filling her with his cum as he let out a sound which she barely found human.  He collapsed on her for a second, his lips pressed to the back of her neck, his tongue tasting the salt of her sweat. 

They laid down in a tangled of limbs and clothing.  She liked to keep some of her clothes on when they fucked.  She pulled the remnants off of her now, wanting to cool off.   Ben curled around her, fingertips trailing down her body. He was always gentle and solicitous after.  The demons that possessed him were dispelled for now.  He stroked her face, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.  He kissed her swollen lips which had endured him sucking and biting them earlier.  He looked at her with a tenderness she could have sworn he was incapable of before.  The transformation never ceased to amaze her. 

“You look completely worn out.  Let me get us some water.”

He went into the other room to get it.  She watched him as he walked, admiring the marks she’d left on him.  His back was bleeding where she had scratched him.  Traces of the past scratches remained from before.  She knew how much blood and pain could arouse him.  She had bled that first time and the look on his face when he saw it haunted her still.   

Everything about that day haunted her.  She felt like the worst kind of traitor.  She felt like she deserved everything he inflicted on her.  The guilt of her betrayal could only be tempered by the marks he left on her body.  It was a twisted penance for how easily she had become his. 

It had started out as a battle.  She’d been on the planet all morning fighting, but the time barely seemed to register.  She let the Force flow through her as she moved, relishing the feeling of its energy as she fought, and then…she felt him near.  He stood on the crest of the hill looking down at her, his saber blazing.  And then he was on her, slashing and cutting the air between them, his face a rictus of fury.  They hadn’t seen one another since Crait, and it was clear he still carried with him the pain of her rejection.  

 _“Please.”_  

Instead she had left him in the throne room to whatever fate the Force had willed. 

She could feel the pain along with the all-encompassing rage and darkness flowing from him as they fought.  It came off him in malignant waves that washed over her, making bile rise in her throat. The look in his eyes was that of a predator intent on nothing less than ripping his prey to shreds.

It wasn’t much of a fight- in fact it was all Rey could do to fend off his blows with her own saber and remain standing.  She had a few minor injuries from earlier in the day, and she was growing tired.  Rey knew he could feel that, too.  He’d use it to his advantage.  She held off the worst of his blows for as long as she could, giving ground as she did.  She was so focused on staying upright that she didn’t notice he had backed her into a wall of stone.

Kylo Ren’s saber glanced off her arm and she felt the burn of it like liquid fire as she fell to her knees, her own saber clattering to the ground.  It pained her to think of losing it after she had worked so hard to rebuild it.  Too late she realized that he had pushed her into a corner- the outcropping of stones loomed over her head.  There was nowhere to go.  She looked up at him, waiting for the killing blow.

Instead, Ren turned off his saber.  He stood over her as she held her arm, trying not to let him see her pain.  It wasn’t terribly deep, but it burned like the tip of it was still embedded in her flesh.  She looked up at him with a mix of terror and confusion.  Why hadn’t he killed her already?  Was he going to stretch this out?  Rey willed herself to stand.  She’d do this with some shred of dignity.  Her chin lifted defiantly as he came closer.  He extended one hand and she expected her air to be cut off, but instead, it circled the back of her head…and then his mouth had covered her own as his other hand held her body close to him.  His tongue pushed into her mouth, as she struggled not to gag.  His hand gripped her hip so hard it began to throb.  His teeth nipped her lower lip before biting it so hard he broke the skin.  She tasted blood.  She might just choke after all.  He pulled back long enough to look at her bloodied mouth.  He let out a sound that could only be described as a snarl.

In all the scenes she had played out in her mind when she was younger, this was _not_ how she pictured her first kiss.  This was not how she pictured her first _anything_.  She knew what was coming next.  Kylo Ren was not going to be satisfied with just this.  His mouth moved to her neck, sucking and biting it as he made his way lower.  She had remained frozen, too much in shock to do or say anything.  As she slowly regained her senses, she attempted to push him away, but found herself unable to move him.  She thought she heard him whisper her name.

His eyes were luminous, and he was breathing heavy.  Rey could feel his lust thick between them.  She felt light headed and she struggled to overcome the spots dancing before her eyes.  She knew fighting him would not end well.  He was physically too strong for her and too strong in the Force for her to get away.  Besides, she was fatigued from fighting all morning, and the pain of her injury still burned horribly.  She had to figure out how she wanted to play this.  He was going to have her, but she could gain some semblance of control if she kept her wits about her.  A gentle hand on his chest, her eyes beseeching and innocent.

“Ben, please.  Not here.  Not like this.”

“I told you once before.  I can take whatever I want.  Your days of leaving me are over.  You don’t get to decide where and when, Rey.  You don’t get to decide anything anymore.”

He pushed her against the outcropping and his mouth was on hers again.  He licked the blood flowing from her lip as his hands reaching under her clothes, to squeeze her breasts. 

“At least let it be somewhere more private.  We’re still on the battlefield.”

“I can’t think of a better place, can you?  I’m not taking you somewhere else where you can try to get away.  This is happening here.  _Now.”_

After that he had pushed her down and taken off his gloves before pulling her tunic and breast band down.  He had sucked each nipple until they were hard in his mouth.   She hated that her body responded to his attention.  What was wrong with her?

_What is happening to me?  Getoffgetoffgetoff…_

Yet, as he continued to kiss and touch her, Rey felt her body react, and when he slipped a finger inside her and found her slick, the triumphant look on his face made her nauseous with self-loathing.  He reveled in how wet she had become.  He put his finger in her mouth, ordering her to taste her desire for him.  She complied, her own blood still lingering on her tongue. 

“You can say what you want, Rey, but you want this too.  You want me to fuck you here on the ground with the sound of blasters all around us, and your cunt soaked for me.”

He had undone just enough of their clothing to get inside of her.  Holding each arm down, he had thrust into her as she cried out in pain, and he grew harder at the sound of it.  Then he had moved slowly, his breath tickling her ear, telling her she was _his_ she’d always be so from now on.  He’d fuck her when it pleased him.  He pulled out, leaving just the tip of his cock in her, his eyes on her face as he did so, waiting for her to move her hips forward, waiting for her to react.  She swallowed a moan and turned her face away from him.   But it was no use. He could feel her desire now as she could feel his.  He knew she wanted him to go deep again, but he kept holding back, wanting her to beg him.  She remained silent, turning to him with defiant eyes.  With a cry of frustration, he had begun pounding her body with such force that she thought she would split in two. Still, Rey refused to make a sound.  Her arm continued to burn, her back was killing her from being pinned to the ground as a rock wedged itself in her spine. She did her best to focus on that, focus on _anything_ but how wet she remained as he rammed into her again and again.

How was it that the pain of it was entangled with the pleasure this was also bringing her?  What was _wrong_ with her?  This wasn’t how it was supposed to be.  This wasn’t what she imagined at all.  She felt tears squeezing out of the corners of her eyes.  She _wanted_ him.  She hated herself for it, but stars, she wanted his mouth on her, his hands all over her body.  What darkness in her was waking to _want_ this? 

She could never tell anyone.  Once he was done, she’d flee back to whoever remained planetside from the Resistance- with or without her saber, get back to base as fast as she could and stand in the ‘fresher scrubbing the evidence of this horrible day off her skin.  She figured a bacta patch would be enough to heal the burn on her arm enough so that she wasn’t in constant pain. 

And then he had come inside her.  His head pitched forward, and he bit her neck as he filled her.  Afterward when he withdrew and had seen traces of her blood on him- on his mouth and his cock.  She had seen the arousal it caused, and she swore he began to grow hard again. 

_No.  I CANNOT do this again.  Stay calm.  He’s done, he’ll either kill me or leave, but either way, this is OVER._

Ren had stood up and dressed and she took the opportunity to try and run. 

Bad idea.

His hand shot out and pulled her to him- on her bad arm.  Rey screamed.

“I told you.  You’re mine now.   Don’t even think of running.  Let’s go.”

He pulled her around the stones and into the trees.  The battlefield had thinned out, with only a few storm troopers remaining.  What had happened to her people remained unknown.  She didn’t have time to think about it because Kylo Ren was pulling her back into forest.  As they walked, it grew denser and the canopy of branches and leaves wove together to block out most of the daylight.  The air around them grew cooler.  Rey shivered.  He had mercifully switched arms, but he was still pulling her along with a vise-like grip.  She stumbled to keep up.  Finally, she fell almost pulling him with her.  He stopped and allowed her to sit and catch her breath.  Her mouth was filled with the tang of blood.  Her throat was as dry as if she was back no Jakku.  She heard the gurgling of a stream nearby and wondered if the water was clean.  When she inclined her head to the sound, he got them up and walked to the water. 

“Drink.”

Rey had to go down on her hands and knees to reach the water.  She was sure he enjoyed seeing her like that, but she was too thirsty to care.  She swallowed handfuls of water and used some to wash her face.  She felt as if she could have stayed at the stream for hours and never have gotten clean.

Once she was done, he pulled her up again and they began walking.  She could hear the cries of unknown creatures in the forest as they flew overhead and scurried under the leaves.  It sent a shiver through her.  How much longer would they have to walk?  When they broke out on the other side, she saw one of the smaller First Order runners.  The hatch opened and he pushed her into a cramped space behind the cockpit.  Rey had to almost curl up to fit.  Her whole body was already sore and aching.  She didn’t know how she’d walk when she got out again.

 Rey must have dozed off despite being terribly uncomfortable.  They changed ships at some point in what looked to be an abandoned hangar.  She was afforded slightly more space- and a bacta patch.  He tossed it to her from an ancient looking medkit. Then they were off again.  Kylo Ren said nothing to her the whole time.  She refused to ask him where they were going or what he planned on doing with her.  She wouldn’t allow him the satisfaction of knowing the uncertainty was killing her.

Again, Rey dozed and this time when they landed, he put binders on her hands and blindfolded her.  She didn’t feel a sun on her face as they left the ship.  There was no glare of light through the blindfold, so she assumed it was night wherever they were. 

It wasn’t a long walk.  They went through a gate and then up what felt like a gravel path.  A door opened and they entered what she thought was a large room going by the echo of their footsteps.  He removed the blindfold and Rey found herself in an old looking structure made of stone.  The main room was two stories high with a massive old hearth and a spiral staircase curving up one side of the room.  Colored glass decorated the tall windows covering one side of the room.  An equally colorful rug was spread out near the hearth made of swirling patterns.  This place had to be hundreds if not a thousand years old.  Nothing like this had been built in generations.  Looking closer, Rey noticed some modern touches such as the light fixtures and a holo projector.  The hearth didn’t look as if it had been used in ages.  Heating a space this big was best left to newer more efficient methods.  Still, the stonework on it was impressive.  Vines curled around branches from which an unknown fruit hung.  She had never seen anything like it.

Rey didn’t have much time to take in the main room before she was pulled upstairs and taken to what could possibly be the biggest refresher she’d ever seen.  The bath alone could have easily fit ten, and it had the same carvings as the hearth below.  A newer looking tile floor gave off warmth, and the lights above her cast a soft glow.  The tub had been filled with hot water and something fragrant.  Rey thought it had a spicy scent to it.  She longed to slip down into the water and let the horror of the day subside for a moment.  Laid out near the bath were cloths for washing and drying herself.  Wordlessly, he  backed out of the room and closed the door.  She heard the sound of water somewhere nearby.  There must be a separate shower.

Gratefully, Rey got into the tub and laid back, careful to keep her injured arm resting on the side.  The water felt wonderful on her sore muscles.  She washed her body and hair after relaxing a bit, eager to scrub off any trace of blood, dirt, and Kylo Ren.  The water was long past warm and still she remained, dreading what would happen when she left the ‘fresher.  She saw a door other than the one they had used to enter, and figured it led to a bedchamber. 

_Please, don’t let this be another episode like the one today.  Please leave me be to sleep._

Under the drying cloths was a soft white shift that fell past her knees.  It was light and sleeveless.  Rey put it on, wishing it was thicker and longer.  She didn’t like feeling so exposed, but the clothes she had on before were filthy and bloodstained.  Dread coiled in her stomach as she opened the door.

The bedchamber also had a carved hearth, colorful rug, and an ornately carved bed that looked so high off the floor, Rey thought she might have to take a running leap to get into it.  A heavily embroidered coverlet in scarlet and gold was turned back to reveal plump white pillows and sheets.  The light by the bed was soft and golden.  No one else was in the room.  Rey got into the bed and felt like she was on a cloud.  A service droid came through the outside door with a tray of food.  Bread, some fruit she had never seen before, a cream based soup, and water.  She couldn’t remember when the last time she had eaten anything but protein packs.  She devoured everything on the tray, sitting in the bed, licking the crumbs off her fingers.  Looking around one more time, Rey tried to sense his presence with the Force.  She felt nothing.  The knot loosened in her stomach long enough to fall asleep.

 

He kept her away from battles, away from detection.  She could move about the house and she could walk in the expansive walled garden.  Rey was unsure exactly where she was, but it had a temperate climate.  The house was large, with several locked doors made from dark carved wood.  The garden had been there for as long as the house from what she could tell by looking at some of the trees.  There was a single sun and three moons.  She wasn’t sure if the seasons really changed yet, since she had only been there a few standard months.  There were service droids, a very quiet young woman who always looked at Rey with a mixture of awe and horror, some local aquatic and avian life that inhabited the pools and trees in the garden, but there was no access to the holonet, (the player she saw when she arrived didn’t work) no overhead ships going by, no evidence of the outside world at all.  Anything she read was on a datapad he brought her or from the impressive but terribly old library. 

The library was where Rey spent much of her time.  It had books (real books!) on star systems, histories of the known planets and their many races, religions, and cultural practices, what appeared to be collections of stories for children, several books on the animal taxonomy of at least twenty different planets, and books in languages she had never seen before.  She’d pass hours in an old chair made of the same dark wood as everything else, poring over lavish illustrations and pages in Aurebesh and High Galactic.

She had no news of the war, her friends in the Resistance, or what he planned to do with her in the long term. 

She refused to ask him.  Rey knew he’d never tell her anyway and asking him would show weakness.  She hated appearing weak in front of him, but sometimes she couldn’t help it. 

Sometimes he came with gifts. 

He had noticed her preference for reading books when the pile she had by her bed grew with each visit.  She’d lug dusty tomes up the curving staircase each night, and she often fell asleep with books next to her in bed.   He brought what she guessed he could find in his travels.  Old repair manuals, the history of the Republic, a book of poetry.  They were proffered with a studied nonchalance, but she could always detect a flicker of something in him.  He wanted her approval.  She complied.  She especially liked the manuals.  Rey missed tinkering and fixing things.  If she couldn’t do it, at least she could read about it.

Rey still preferred functional items like tunics and leggings, but often he bought things which were impractical and delicate.  Diaphanous skirts that felt weightless against her skin.  Silky dresses with tiers of fabric swirling around her hips and legs.  Pieces with thousands of beads sewn on them- beads which scattered across the floor and skittered in every direction once he ripped it off her.  Sometimes there were other adornments for her hair, or jewelry.  She’d had to get the girl to pierce her ears so she could wear the earrings he sent.  They were often as overdone as the clothing.  She felt the weight of them when she moved, swinging about her face.  She never got used to it. It would all come wrapped in thick, creamy paper.   He liked her to wear them when he arrived- solely for the pleasure of ripping them when he took her.  He liked seeing her bedecked and adorned only to become torn and ruined. 

One dress had been the color of the sky at sunset with bands of reds, oranges, and purples with a train that whispered over the stone floor when she walked.  She’d come out of her bedchamber wearing it and they had shared a meal in the main room below before he bent her over the dinner table, dishes and cutlery scattering and falling to the floor.  He had pushed up the layers until he could fuck her from behind, reaching around to play with her clit as he thrusted.  Rey could feel his balls slapping her cunt which always excited her.  It was a filthy sound which reminded her of how hard they both liked it.  She allowed a few gasps as his attention to her clit increased.   Gripping the edge of the table, she did her best to keep her balance in the ridiculously high heels that had come with the dress.  How could anyone want to wear such nonsense?  She longed to kick him in the shins with one of them, but thought better of it.  His attention to her clit was causing her breath to quicken.  If he kept it up…

“Beg for it.”

Rey bit her lip.

“I’m not going to get you off until you beg, Rey.  I’ve got all night to keep you on the edge.  Just say it.”

He had slowed his pace just to tease her.  He had pulled out, his finger tracing lazy circles on her sensitive flesh, knowing it was driving her crazy.  She hadn’t come since the last time he fucked her.  She knew she could get herself off, but the punishment for that wasn’t worth it.  She had sucked in her breath as he withdrew even further.  _Please don’t.  Go back inside me, I need it.  I’m so close._

Finally, it came out in a whisper.

_“Please.”_

He had slammed into her cunt, his fingers working furiously as he did.  The climax had pulsed deep inside her and she allowed herself to cry out.  The rippling of her body was enough for him to go over the edge soon after. 

She had turned and wrapped her arms around him, her mouth seeking his, her tongue sucking his lower lip.  He ‘d traced one nipple with a finger through the fabric of her clothing.  She had felt his cum drip out of her, further ruining her dress.  Then she had kicked off the horrible shoes and wrapped her legs around his torso, one finger tracing the scar on his face.  As always, the storm had passed, and his eyes were soft on her.  He had looked at her with what she could almost believe was affection.

“Good girl.  You are such a good girl for me.” 

He knew how much she hated when he called her that.

It couldn’t go on forever, she told herself.  Sooner or later, the war would end, or he’d tire of her, or he’d make a mistake and she could escape.  Being a resourceful scavenger, Rey had employed a variety of objects to pick the locked doors.  Cutlery, combs, jewelry, and hair ornaments had been used to no avail.  She had attempted to scale the garden walls only to have the hidden wire at the top send a shock so forceful that it had knocked her flat.  She had long stopped trying to get the girl to help her.  No amount of coaxing or use of the Force seemed to have any effect on her.  She stared at Rey with the same terrified look on her face, never saying a word.  She would dress her, style her hair, do whatever she had been ordered to do to get her ready, and then she’d leave.

Sooner or later she told herself, she’d stop wanting him so much. 

When he was away, she trained with a staff he had given her, explored the gardens, read, and did her best to meditate and keep her sanity.

There were times when the bond would open and he’d be there, his hands on her body, his mouth seeking hers, sometimes in his uniform, sometimes in what he slept in.   He would be loving and tender.  He would be cruel and ruthless.  There were times when he only wanted to draw blood, to see the marks he made bloom across her skin.  Bites, bruises, scratches…the sight of what he could inflict on her got him the hardest.  Rey gave as good as she got, and hated that the sight of it on him brought so much pleasure to her. 

He was contaminating her with his darkness.  She felt like the light in the Force was on a distant shore, while she remained in the roiling waves of a violent storm, unable to make it home.

He’d stalk through the door while she waited for him, dressed and decorated.  He’d have her on the floor, the bed, her clothing in pieces, her arms and legs tied to the bed as he buried his head between her legs, fingers curled deep inside her, his tongue fluttering over her clit until she raised her hips up and began pant.  He’d keep her like that for hours, bringing her close and backing off, not releasing her until she was crying for it, begging him to let her cum.

Once he had put ornate little silver rings on each nipple, slowly tightening them until the pain spread deliciously through her body, until she began to cry out through clenched teeth.  He had licked her folds with his tongue wide and flat, the only sound in the room his mouth working her cunt, and her labored breathing.

_“Please.”_

But he hadn’t done any of that lately. 

Six months in, he had begun to show up looking disheveled and worn.  Circles appeared under his eyes and his hair looked unkempt, unruly waves framing his face.  Sometimes he smelled of smoke, sometimes there was blood on him.  A gash appeared on his forehead, a cut on his hand.  Things were not going well for the First Order, it seemed.

At least not for the Supreme Leader.

There were no gifts, no urgency, no games this last time.  She had not been sent any instructions on her appearance.  She greeted him in her old clothes, hair in the three buns she preferred.

She felt his exhaustion through the bond as he came through the door, mixed with something else.

Fear.

He wrapped his arms around her, resting his head on her shoulder.  She slowly brought her hand up to stroke the back of his head for a moment.  He let out a long sigh.  Worry and confusion puckered her brow.  Where was the monster who took such pleasure in her ruin?  Where was Kylo Ren, pressing her body against the wall, his eyes menacing, and his hands ripping to shreds a dress worth a year’s rations?  This person was just a man.  A defeated and exhausted man seeking comfort in her presence.  The dark fury was gone.  She felt no desire, only a bone deep weariness in him. 

When he lifted his head, Rey saw that the gash still hadn’t healed.  Smoke stained his face.  He looked tired, so very tired. 

Part of her wanted to mock him. 

Part of her wanted to cry.

Wordlessly she took his hand and led him to the ‘fresher.  She drew a bath and undressed him. 

Ben stood before her silently looking at her as she removed his clothing, suddenly looking much younger than his years.  Rey folded each item and put it aside. 

Under his uniform were bruises, ones she’d not given him and dried blood (his or someone else’s?)

She took off her own clothes and they stepped into the steaming water.  She washed his hair and face, careful not to touch his forehead except to carefully wipe away the grime and blood.  She noted the slump of his shoulders, the way he looked at her as she tended him.  He regarded her with something almost resembling gratitude.    

It wasn’t something Rey thought him capable of feeling.

After the bath, she had taken him to bed.  He curled his body around hers, stroking her hair absently, whispering to her how he had anticipated this visit for so very long, how he loved to touch her.  He traced the scar left by his saber.  It had healed as a red seam, running shoulder to elbow.  They had left permanent marks on one another- ones that would remain long after the bruises and bite marks had faded.  Rey felt herself slipping into sleep as he caressed her.

“I’m sorry.”

The words caught Rey off guard so much that she turned to look at him. 

“What?”

“I’m sorry.  For all of it.  For wounding you.  For keeping you here.  For making you dress up in those horrible things and then ripping them to pieces.  For making you beg, for making you bleed.  For all of it. 

 “It’s going to end soon, and there is a very good chance that I won’t see you again, so before that, I want you to know that I’m so very sorry, Rey.  You deserved better.  I took you down into the darkness with me.  I made you as depraved as I am.  I have watched what you have become because of me, and I hate myself for it.”

_I have watched what you’ve become._

_There’s a very good chance that I won’t see you again._

Rey held his face in her hands.  If she didn’t know better, she would have thought his eyes were filling with tears.  But that was not possible.

“I didn’t do anything I didn’t want to do in the end.  You didn’t drag me into the darkness.  I went on my own.  You showed me something that was always inside of me.  I have tried to fight it, tried to run from it ever since I first knew the Force.  But you made me face it.  You made me own it, Ben.  We all have the darkness and the light within us.  You need to know one to know the other.”

He leaned over to kiss her forehead.  She rested her head against his chest.

He drifted off to sleep with his hand entwined in her hair.

He was gone when she woke up.

Rey ate her morning meal absently, wondering what he had meant by all that he said last night. 

Was the war ending?  Had someone found out where she was?  Was he setting her free?  Was she being rescued?  Idly, she picked at the remains of her food, wishing the bond would open and she could talk to him again.  Her gaze wandered about the room, watching how the light from the windows made patterns on the rug.  A lone bead winked in the sunlight.  She bend over and picked it up, tucking into a pocket of her tunic.

 

Soon after, the girl disappeared, and only two service droids remained.  Rey watched as the leaves in the garden began to fall from the trees.  A chill greeted her most mornings when she went outside, and one day there was ice in the ponds.  It had been over a month and Kylo Ren had not come to her- not to the house, and not through the bond.  Nor did Ben Solo.  Rey told herself it was for the best.  She told herself the sleepless nights and restless pacing was because the weather was changing and she couldn’t go outside as much.  Icy rains kept her in the library, sipping caf and reading how to repair Old Republic era ships.  She’d pass the day reading and listening to the tap of raindrops against the window.  She longed to light a real fire in the hearths, but there was nothing to burn.

One day she woke up and heard a sound she hadn’t known in months.  It was the sound of ships blazing across the sky.  She ran outside and saw them as she stood in the garden, shielding her face from the weak winter sun trying to make out what they were.

X wings.

Then the house was filled with Resistance members holding blasters and calling her name.  She ran to the entrance, her hands in the air, looking for her friends.  She was given a few moments to gather her things.  Rey packed a few items in creamy white paper and tied it with some ribbon.  She tucked the small package inside her tunic and raced back downstairs.

A few hours later, Rey was on a ship, embracing Poe, Finn, and Chewy, with BB-8 chirping happily and making circles around them.   

She was told of recent events including the battle that turned the tide for them. 

She was told of the surrender, how they had almost captured Kylo Ren, and the chase that had led them to where she was being held.  There had been some early reconnaissance on the planet where she had been, but attempts to confirm her whereabouts had been unsuccessful.  Some of the Resistance fighters had seen her battle with Ren before she disappeared.  Some had believed he killed her, but her friends had never believed that.  They told her they had never given up on her.  Once they had secured victory, Poe and Finn had insisted on taking a closer look at the planet. 

They had questions for her.  She could see it in their eyes.  What had he done to her?  What had he told her?  Had he hurt her?  Was she alright?  Rey knew the medical droid had logged the saber burn and the various new scars on her body that she refused to explain.  The last of the bruises were faded and yellow.  Most of her injuries had healed.  Yet her friends’ questions hung about the air, but she pretended all was well, she was safely home, she was their Rey once more.  She yawned.

She was exhausted after the events of the day.  She was given a bunk in the cramped quarters of the ship, where she gratefully curled up to sleep. 

But sleep wouldn’t come.  Rey lay on the narrow bed, her finger tracing the red line that bisected her arm. 

Just as she drifted off, the bond opened, and she saw him for only an instant.  He was sitting in what looked like the cockpit of a ship.  His face looked thinner, all planes and angles.  His hair was longer, and it hung over one eye.  He looked at her with such sadness and longing that it cut through her façade of being well, being whole again now that she had returned. 

Rey reached out, hoping to touch him.  He only looked at her before saying one word.  Then the bond closed again. 

She felt him just disappear from the Force.  Cut off, like Luke had done…and an emptiness where his presence had been in the Force. It descended on her like a physical thing, its weight feeling as if it would crush the air from her lungs.  Rey choked back a sob. 

 

_Good bye._

 


End file.
